For some strange reason, every evening before my Sunday tennis match with the neighbors, I always get a bad case of the farts. In Dutch the nice way to describe this ailment is to say you have a case of "winderigheid" meaning "windiness." Having to fart during an important tennis match can be quite the disadvantage. It is not like I know these people that well that we can fart together on the same court and just laugh about it. So I just hold it in the best I can and play as if there is nothing wrong. At times it just slips out, especially when I make my stellar diving attempts to return a near ace. Or I can do it tactfully by wandering to a so-called strategic position at the back corner of the court and let it loose. My intestines begin to rumble and the excess pockets of air coalesce to form a veritable balloon of extraneous gas which has to be emitted. Therefore emit it with gusto, but as politely as possible. If you stand close enough to the net, you can use this tactics to form a cloud of gas which nearly knocks out the opponent on the other side. Or better yet, a smoke screen behind which you can volley unpredictable balls or slam them straight at the gagging enemy. That is most probably why we won last night, so farting does not have to be that bad after all.
