The way I see it is that I have been granted this unique opportunity to prove myself in dealing with insecurity and an unknown future full of hidden risks. Kind of like a gift from heaven you might say. Maybe I will end up in the dog house or perhaps I will somehow pull things off. And then again, maybe I just need to live day by day and remain confident that things are going according to the ultimate plan.

Running on empty with only one fourth of your previous salary as so-called government compensation is not my idea of fun. Time seems to be running out and it is time to do something about it. But what?

Life consists of a number of phases, and the purpose of each phase is to struggle by overcoming certain obstacles in order to learn and improve yourself. Sounds trite, and alot of people try to make themselves feel better by thinking this way, you might say. Fine, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. So let me have my own, I would say.

Life would have been pretty boring (and useless) had I been enslaved in a predictable routine of working at a desk answering the telephone all day even if I was assured of a good pension when I grew old. But then I would turn sixty-five and it would be too late, wouldn't it? I would look back on my life and feel pretty bad that I had not done more.

Things are improving, aren't they?

More and more often, I am sitting in the car or just reading a book outside. All of a sudden I am struck by this peacefulness, and I feel totally relaxed and positive for a barely noticeable moment of time. It goes as quickly as it comes, and I do not have much control over the coming and the going. This feeling is nice, but then I wake up to reality and get all nervous and worried again. What I need to do is actively create those mindful moments and prolong them as much as possible.

Alright, let's go now.